my heart on display
all my fears come to show
every time i see you
every time i hear you
and then i pretend
like a silly little fool
that i don’t love you
that i couldn’t know you
why do you that thing to me
why do you make me go
head over heels over myself
in love with you
So tonight has found me at work, waiting for the last minute to come. It’s been rather slow, I thought I would update any possible readers on what might be going on in this thing I call life.
Lately, I have been pulled to a new place. One of letting go, I believe. I have finally started to realize all the unrealistic expectations I have for my life, but then I also see the expectations I should be allowed to have. For many years, I truly believed that I could never live up to those around who were “successful.” I am still struggling with this, but I suppose that God has shown me I am way too harsh on myself. As a Christian, it is the truth of God’s word to live a selfless life like Jesus does, but Jesus never underestimated the abilities that God gave him and used them to progress the kingdom. And as humans, we have a tendency to not follow through in our gifts if we feel we are lacking in areas. I want to be used fully in every area that God has blessed me in, and I am praying that I can progress and quit looking at the past.
None of us fully know what is in store for our lives, but I am still always wistful to see the future of mine. I suppose because I am always focused on this future or dwelling on my past that I don’t move anywhere. So, where to next? I just recently made the decision to start pursuing a career in music, and decided it would be great to get a degree in music education. I have been singing for a longtime, and feel somewhat confident in this talent. However, having only performed a few solos before, I am a bit frightened at the prospect of even going forward in this area. There is so much to learn about music, I want to be able to absorb it all and share it with the world around me. And since I have been reading some of my faorite singer’s blogs lately, I have been inspired more than ever. The impact music has on our world in so profound, and I want to be a part of it every day of my life! But getting through a music program, I know it will be one of frustration, tears, and endless perserverence toward an artistic revelation. But I know that through it all, there will be joy and satisfaction of getting to do something I love so much, so this will make it all worth it in the end.
Now… I just have to look into schools. (:
